My Reflection

Last Sunday after church, my oldest, AJ,(age 2) had a major meltdown. Aj was told by his auntie, (my sis-in-law) that she was going to pick he and his brother up the following day, and take them to Chuckee Cheese. Of course he was excited, and wanted to go with her that day. So he began having a fit, (crying, screaming, etc.) from the church to the car. Can I say that I wanted to wear his behind out? (Yes, ladies, I discipline, spank, whatever you want to call it)!

My husband and I took Aj and his brother to the car, and he continued with his rants and disrespectful behavior. At one point while fastened in his carseat, I told him to apologize for his behavior and he screamed at me “NO” from the top of his lungs. Now this was something that I had never seen in my “once innocent little baby.” I was shocked, but at the sametime I felt truly disrespected. Just before I could “discipline” Aj, my husband pulled over the car, took him out of his car seat to the back of our car, and “disciplined” him the way I think his father should. Huffing and puffing, Aj returned to his car seat, where he apologized. But boy was he upset.

After witnessing my son’s explosive behavior, I admitted to myself (out loud) and to my husband, “I just saw myself in Aj.” I asked my husband, “am I that stubborn and determined to get my way?” My husband gave me the side-eye look like he really didn’t want to answer. Truth was he didn’t need to answer because I already knew.

It is truly eye-opening to witness your actions (positive or negative) in your children. My experience with my son makes me think about how God sees us at times when we don’t fear Him, or we do what He would not have us to do. We scream no, ignore His word, and are sometimes downright disrespectful. Whatever happened to fearing the Lord? Yes I do mean fear. Don’t get me wrong, fear isn’t the only thing God wants from us but it is very important in understanding our relationship with Him, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom” (Psa 111:10). Please take a second to read and reflect on the Books of Isaiah 6 and Revelation 4. (The blog will be here when you returnJ). Observe the amazing descriptions of God. If I saw the things depicted in these verses, I too, would be afraid; pillars shaking, fire, thunder, and lightning, everything in His presence in total worship! Once we see how frighteningly powerful God is, it is easy to fall in love with the fact that a God that big would suffer for my sins and yours. (1 John 4:19) “We love Him because He first loved us.”

When I was a child, my mother guided me in the things that I needed to know. When I disobeyed my mother’s rules, she disciplined me through a spanking and/or punishment. In many ways, I feared my mother (still do). And no, it’s not because I was afraid that she would hurt me, but I highly respected her authority over my life. Furthermore, I have an even higher fear for the Lord.

On the day that this incident with my son took place, I got the opportunity to observe how God sees me sometimes; disrespectful and stubborn. I am asking for forgiveness and I am in prayer. I thank God for this time of reflection.

Good Night,

KPA

Once raised by a Virtuous single mother, I am now a strong Virtuous, Fashionista, who fear’s the Lord, who’s best friend is the Lord, that waits on discernment from God, who is living for today, who is a woman of strength, that understands the power of my words, that is aware of God’s presence, is allowing my light to shine, whose growing to be more passionate about serving the Lord, who can listen without pride to constructive criticism, whose fear does not hold me back, who runs to the Lord first about everything, who strives to stay on God’s course, who is saved by the grace of God, who admits to being envious of others at times, who knows my worth, has a calming peace, who gives thanks daily, who wants to be a godly example to others, who is able to forgive my enemies, who has high expectations of me, who has been created in God’s own image, who lovingly submits to my spouse, who understands God's love, has an intimate relationship with God, supports Breast Cancer Awareness, with a family who honors me, Virtuous friends who love me, and with a giving spirit.